When Enough Isn't Enough
by DC111
Summary: A small but forceful wave hit Sonic right below the chest. He threw his head back, as if looking skyward would protect him from the deadly liquid below, and his frantic cry pierced the tranquil morning air. Water was his worst nightmare.
1. Motive

One thing that bothers me about fanfiction – and some official material, for that matter – is that so many people make their protagonist 'perfect.' I appreciate the Sonic series and Sonic as a character, because he is _not _perfect. He is impatient and impulsive. He has not dodged every blow aimed at him. And, of course, he can't swim. As an author, I try to take those character flaws and inabilities… and _test _them. If you've read some of my other work, you'll find I do this quite a lot.

Some people think the reason Sonic stays clear of water is simply because he can't swim; others believe that he's also afraid of it. I don't know what's canon, but for the sake of this story, he does indeed fear water. If it seems a little exaggerated, that's because it is – also for the sake of the story.

Tails tells this according to the way he sees it, by the way, except for the first section which is third-person. Speaking of the first section, when you first start reading, you're going to think, "Oh, I've seen this before; same old Sonic vs. Eggman stuff," but I assure you there's a reason for it, and that this story will in fact turn out to be something unlike anything you've seen before.

I believe that's enough out of me for one author's note. Please review; constructive criticism is also welcomed.

Enjoy.

xxx

1: Motive

Sonic shook his head and grinned.

"Okay, cool, _have_ a head start," he muttered, watching as the exceptionally obese man he had just been fighting began to flee in his machine. He stood there a full ten seconds before rolling his eyes and finally giving chase. It took him half of that time to catch up.

"Seriously, Eggman, why do you even _bother?_"

"Stubborn rat! You've won, I've lost – now is the part where you're supposed to stand there with that irritating smirk on your face and watch my trail of smoke until…"

"Under normal circumstances, you're right, but I'm not letting you out of my sight until that _bomb_ is out of _your _sight!"

The doctor frowned. He hadn't planned on Sonic catching a glimpse of that particular weapon. But it was too late for a Plan B now; he'd just have to shake that damn hedgehog off before going to threaten Central City…

…And he knew just how to do that.

The round hovercraft ascended further, high enough to be out of Sonic's reach but low enough so as not to get tangled in the mess of branches above. The blue blur was undeterred, dodging left and right through the trees, looking for any opportunity that might be available to stop his foe. There had to be some low branches he could use to fling himself up to Eggman's height, or perhaps a fallen tree he could use as a ramp…

"What's wrong, Sonic, can't fly like your two-tailed friend? You know, he happens to be in the area I'm headed right now, along with that annoying girlfriend of yours!"

"That's what she calls herself, not me!" Sonic said in his defense, but he was concerned all the same upon hearing the doctor's words. Sticks snapped against his ankles and shins as he accelerated, feet slamming hard on the ground. His pupils dilated. His heart pounded.

Ahh, the familiar feeling of an adrenaline rush. It had been a while.

Then, suddenly, the trees were gone… replaced with a far larger obstacle.

Sonic's cocky expression fell off his face, leaving a blank stare. "Hey… what?" He said slowly. "But… this wasn't here before…"

"Why are you slowing down, Sonic? I thought you weren't going to let me out of your sight…?"

Almost absentmindedly, the hedgehog said, "I'm not." His decreasing speed, however, told another story.

_Come on, it's only a river… I can jump this easily…_

Those apprehensive green eyes were locked on the body of water before him. Things appeared bigger as you neared them… but this river was getting bigger than it should have, he was certain, and there was no way of knowing how deep it was…

He had to either speed up or come to a complete halt. Anything in between would result in too short of a jump. There was no time left to be indecisive. It was now or never.

Images shot through Sonic's head in a rapid-fire sequence, all in under a second. That cold, wild liquid enveloping his entire body… the lack of any foothold whatsoever… that literal and figurative sinking feeling… that horrible sensation of drowning, inhaling against your will, lungs filling with the wrong natural elements and suffocating, suffocating until death liberated him from the torture and sent his motionless body back up to the surface…

And he chose the 'never' option, for the first time in his life, coming to a stop at the edge of the grass.

Minutes that felt like hours passed as he stood there, trapped by the water's mesmerizing, terrible spell. He barely even noticed when an explosion occurred off in the distance, leveling the city to ash.

To say he was relieved when he woke up was an understatement.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

First person: Tails.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I left the hardware store and made my way back through Central City. My arms were full of an admittedly ridiculous amount of stuff, and most of it was stuff I hadn't originally planned to get, but I couldn't help myself. Sure, all I'd wanted to do at _first_ was replace a rusting part on the Tornado… but why not upgrade the engine and put on a fresh coat of paint while I was at it? Nothing interesting was happening today – for a change – so I had plenty of time.

Then, of course, something interesting happened.

A huge gust of wind blew by, taking several of my items with it. Even as the airstream blew me backwards, making me stumble, I groaned loudly. I'd just gotten those!

I righted myself and turned around, starting to run after my stuff before looking where I was going. I was surprised – though I probably shouldn't have been – when I nearly slammed right into Sonic, who was suddenly in my path.

He was also holding what the 'wind' had stolen, wearing a grin as he handed it back to me. "Sorry 'bout that, Tails," he said. "I didn't see you there. But hey, I managed to catch it all before it landed!"

For an instant, I just stood there, dumbstruck. Then I laughed; I couldn't help it. "No problem, Sonic."

"So – whatcha doing? Parts for another big project?"

"Nah, just the Tornado," I answered. I noticed suddenly that his eyes were a little red. Were they just dry from running so fast?

Sonic looked thoughtful. "Hm… after what just happened, I'm thinking those parts probably had enough 'tornado' for one day. Don't you?"

It took me a second to figure that one out. "…Oh. Ooh ha ha, Sonic, good one."

He simply shrugged. "I try," he said 'modestly.' I knew he had noticed the sarcasm in my response to the quip, but he pretended not to.

"Why are your eyes bloodshot?" I asked, just because. When the vibrancy left his face and he looked away, I realized the question wasn't as casual to him as it was to me. I put my hands out and stammered, "N-never mind, Sonic, don't feel pressured to answer. I didn't know—"

"Naw, don't worry about it. I just didn't get the best sleep in the world last night, that's all."

I blinked. Sleep? Then why had his composure suddenly become so reluctant? An uncomfortable night wasn't usually such an awkward subject of discussion. I wondered if he was trying to make an excuse… if, perhaps, something had upset him to the point of…

"Stop it, Tails," he said, and his face was more relaxed and even a little amused. As I looked up, his emerald eyes were set on mine, and I realized he had guessed what I had been assuming. I also realized that I had been wrong, even before he said, "I know what you're thinking."

"Easy assumption to make," I muttered.

"I didn't sleep good because I had a weird dream. You know, happens to everyone sometimes. You just made me remember it again for a second, that's all."

I couldn't think of anything suitable to say aside from, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he reiterated. "Anyway… have fun with the Tornado. I'll see you around, okay? The Egg'll probably be back in a few days."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

He ran off without another word. I just stood there for a minute, thinking. That dream had to have been pretty nasty to keep someone like Sonic up the rest of the night. Even then… dreams weren't real. It wasn't like him at _all _to let one get to him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I managed to complete my work on the Tornado just before dusk. My hands were oily and I was actually sweating a little, but I was glad I'd kept at it. It felt good to accomplish something.

Walking outside, I saw that the skies were relatively clear and only a light breeze wafted through the air. I decided it was as good as a time as any for a test run.

I was only out for a little while, since it was continuing to get darker and I didn't really like flying at night if I didn't have to. After about half an hour, I began to make a slow, smooth semicircle so I could head back. As the left side of the plane tilted downward to accomplish this, I looked past it, at the great view below. Directly beneath me was a forest, and a not too far beyond, a lake. The water was a deep, shimmering blue.

It also wasn't alone in its color, I realized with a start. I squinted hard at what I thought I saw down on the sand, and quickly confirmed my thoughts. There was no mistaking those six blue spikes.

_Sonic…? But why?_

He was a few yards away from the shoreline, just standing there. It wasn't unlike Sonic to run off to random places and just stare at the landscape… but a lake? Water? And if that in itself wasn't strange enough, then the fact that he was standing so _close _certainly was.

I debated going down there to ask what he was doing, but then decided not to. Sonic didn't like providing reasons for things, and he'd like it even less if he thought I'd followed him. I hadn't; it'd just been coincidence. But it was one heck of a coincidence.

Now, though, I _was _curious. Unless it was absolutely necessary, Sonic _never _went by the water. He had been fully submerged in it once, maybe twice, in his entire life… but those times were only accidents. Whenever he took a run along the beach, he kept a safe cushion of distance.

Going slowly so the engine noise wouldn't catch Sonic's attention, I began to descend the plane. I didn't remember even making a decision to do so; I guess my subconscious decided I wanted to be nosy. That wasn't a really prominent quality of mine, so I began to feel a little guilty as I realized what I was about to do.

I landed the plane in an open area of the forest and hopped out. My better side, which usually won, was telling me to mind my own business and leave Sonic be. But for once, curiosity overpowered it, and I began to jog.

When I reached the edge of the forest a few minutes later, I spun my tails and ascended into a thick tree, landing on a branch. From there, I watched attentively.

I noticed things I hadn't been able to notice from the Tornado, even with my good vision. Sonic's fists were clenched at his sides. His shoulder muscles were knotted in tension. His quills were stiff, not even blowing in the wind.

I tried to remember the last time I'd seen him so uptight, then realized that I hadn't.

The first explanation that came to me was that he had been asleep, and another nightmare had woken him up. He was uneasy because of a dream and his mind hadn't quite figured out that he was awake yet. As soon as I came to that conclusion, I wanted to jump out there and shake him, snap him out of it.

I would have. I would have tried to help him, even at the risk of him finding out I had been spying, because I couldn't stand seeing my friend like this. But my intentions stopped in their tracks when I heard him speak.

"Come on, Sonic. One step."

I froze, not even breathing, fearing for a second that he had noticed my presence. Then my brain registered his actual words and I relaxed a little. He'd been talking to _himself_.

'One step'… was he going to go in the water? I looked down in contemplation, again trying to understand _why_. Sonic had feared water his whole life. What in the world could have motivated him to change that?

There was a strong gust of wind. I grabbed onto the tree's trunk for balance and then looked back at the shoreline.

Sonic was gone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I woke up early the next day, at a time when it was arguable whether it was indeed morning or still the middle of the night. The weather was somewhat ominous; clouds hung heavily in the sky and harsh winds made everything sway back and forth. Undesirable weather had little to no effect on Sonic, though, who I figured would still be sound asleep on my roof as he always was this time of morning.

When I saw that he wasn't, I knew that trying to sleep again would be useless. So I rubbed the night out of my eyes, got in the Tornado, and went back to the lake.

Most of the time, Sonic was predictably unpredictable, so I figured that he _wouldn't_ actually be at the lake when I arrived, even though another part of me expected him to.

He was.

Surprised and more curious than ever, I found my spot up in the tree again. It was perfect, providing quite the rare cover-up: I could see him, but because of the leaves in front of me and the shadow being cast on me by the morning sun, _he_ wouldn't see _me_… even if he looked right at me.

There was no reason to worry about that either way, though; his head and body were turned, facing the water. I could see his profile, one side of his face… but since the rising sun was so bright in the background, I couldn't make out his expression. He was walking parallel to the water, on the _wet _part of the sand, his steps slow and… cautious?

He turned around and headed in the other direction for a few steps, almost like he was pacing. Every once and a while, as the tide rolled in gently toward his feet, he would glance down. It didn't look like he could stand to keep his gaze on the water for too long, though.

I wondered if Sonic had remained at the lake for the majority of the night or if he had stayed gone until dawn. Had he slept at all? I supposed it didn't matter; the naps he took during the daytime probably more than compensated for it if he hadn't.

The few questions drifting around in my head suddenly ceased to matter as my focus snapped back to Sonic. He had begun to take his shoes off. I dared to inch forward along the branch, spinning my tails just a little in order to keep my balance, and squint through the leaves. Shame would haunt me later for watching my best friend like he was here just for my entertainment… but since my presence had no affect on any of his actions, I didn't think it mattered too much. What difference would it make if I left?

He tossed the shoes back hastily, turning his head for a brief moment to make sure they landed far enough away from the water. In that moment, I could see his face. I wasn't quite sure what I found there at first… then I realized it was a mix of emotions, a mix that I had in fact seen many a time before. There was definitely deep, genuine fright… and there was definitely fortitude. Combined, they gave his expression a deep, hard-to-explain power. It was the kind of thing I only saw when he was caught between a rock and a hard place, and he knew he had to get out. The kind of thing I saw in those rare instances when he couldn't take anymore, but he knew he had to anyway. The kind of thing that most people couldn't convey, because they didn't have the kind of strength it took to experience and understand it to such extreme levels.

It was… raw, undying resolve. And as I watched him step forward, I knew he wasn't going to give up until he got in that water and faced his fears.

What I still didn't know was what in this universe had made him want to attempt such an impossible feat.

His left foot went in and he winced. Even from my spot in the tree, I could see his shoulders scrunch up. As he kept going, moving his feet slowly as if the ground would drop out, I couldn't imagine his eyes were still open. I couldn't imagine he wanted to see what he was – literally – getting himself into.

I heard him breathe in sharply as the cold liquid reached his shins. Then he forced out a loud exhale; the kind of breath that tries to convince you it's relaxed but in fact tends to relay the opposite. As he kept going, tormenting himself in ways I hoped I'd never have to experience, a visible shudder made his shoulders and back tremble briefly.

Then he stopped… and began to retreat.

Relief was the response I would have expected from myself; I didn't want to see him in pain. But relief wasn't what I felt. _No, keep going forward,_ I found myself yearning to shout, because another part of me really _wanted _him to succeed. I knew how it would affect him to fail, even if it wasn't a big deal. I knew how it would hurt him to acknowledge that he had given up.

The next half minute was long, not only for him but for me. More than once, I drew in a breath, thinking about encouraging him on, but stopped myself each time. I was mature enough to know when it was and was _not _my time to speak up… and this battle was purely Sonic's.

After the fourth or fifth step back, he stopped. _He _knew how it would hurt him to fail, too… he _never _gave up.

At that point, I knew there was more he planned to do before allowing himself the reward of dry land. A gust of wind blew by, rustling the leaves around me noisily, and I used the opportunity to readjust myself on the branch, leaning forward onto my stomach and wrapping my arms around it. Sonic's ears perked up at the wind, but I knew he hadn't heard me. Even _I _wouldn't have heard me, and I had sensitive ears.

As I had gotten comfortable, Sonic had cautiously inched forward again, making himself keep moving until the gentle waves were hitting right below his knees. Now, as I watched intently, he began to crouch down, one inch at a time, body shaking. Finally, I saw his fingers touch the surface of the water, little rings expanding outwards from the point of contact.

"One, two…"

I felt my _own _ears perk up then. The sound of his voice… it was as if he was taking a ride on the bumpiest dirt road in the world. I had never heard him sound that way; never.

"One… two…"

What was he counting to? And _why_? He had never swam before, surely he wasn't about to try it right now!

"One… two…"

His voice was louder now, more steadfast, but not any less shaky. Hesitance was more prominent in his features than I had ever seen it before, and he was frightened almost to the point of panicking… all of his own accord. I wondered if enough would ever be enough for him.

"Three…"

Three. That cruel, cruel number that signified commitment to whatever was being counted to; that single finalizing word that – in that context – was meant to set everything in stone. And almost as soon as it escaped past his lips, Sonic indeed followed through with it.

He crouched down further, going deeper than he had ever willingly gone before… in his life. His rear end touched the surface of the water. I expected him to stop there, but he didn't. Sonic didn't stop until he reached the sand.

I don't think either of us had any idea how he managed to go through with that.

Since he was good at hiding any sort of anxiousness or pain, it wasn't very often that Sonic's physical appearance perfectly reflected his mental state. Right now was one of the only exceptions to that I had ever seen. His muscles were so tense that I could have gotten my fist stuck between his shoulder blades. And had there been no fur on his arms, I was sure the veins there would have been visible, even from my tree. I was positive I could see his hands squeezing the sand under the water as he leaned back on them. He was utterly terrified… and his fear went without shame because he thought he was alone.

For the first time, I realized something about my older brother that I had never even stopped to consider before.

All these years, I had underrated and taken for granted his carefree, positive attitude. I had assumed it was as easy as it looked for him. Now I was forced to wonder: what else had he experienced in the depths of his own consciousness that I had no knowledge about? What else had tortured that poor mind that he had managed to overcome? How afraid was he _really_ whenever he fought Eggman, got seriously injured, or experienced _anything_ that was terrible? And yet… he could remain so calm, and he could endure everything without ever looking back, and he could _smile_.

For the first time, I was able to fully appreciate the extent of the things he went through every single day.

(It wasn't until years later that I wondered why Sonic had hidden all those things from me at all. I was his best friend, right? Then I realized that it wasn't fair to think that way; everyone had their secrets. Not to mention, I kept it hidden from _him _that I had ever witnessed what I did. And besides, I figured: it just wasn't in Sonic's nature to pour out his feelings, even to a friend. Instead of focusing on them and pitying himself for them, he preferred to just leave said feelings where they had formed and move on.)

A small but forceful wave hit Sonic right below the chest. He threw his head back, as if looking skyward would protect him from the deadly liquid below, and a frantic cry pierced the tranquil morning air. He pulled his knees up toward his chest as if preparing to get up and flee. Another wave smacked into him. Several droplets scattered through the air and landed on his face. His breathing quickened.

Someone who did not know Sonic might look at what was occurring and find it pathetic, even sick. I found it admirable. Sonic was not a hero because of his skills or his strength; he was a hero for reasons like this. He was brave. Enduring. Resolute. He was nowhere near perfect, but he didn't have to be. He knew how to make up for it in the right places.

A larger wave rolled in towards the shore. For a second, I was afraid for Sonic's safety; if he wasn't paying attention, the water would go in his mouth and likely destroy the fragile self-control he had maintained, putting him back at square one.

It made contact just below his neck.

For at least the third time that night, Sonic exceeded my expectations. He didn't scramble away, didn't panic, didn't so much as get back to his feet. He was _making _himself stay there, making himself suffer. I didn't quite understand why, as staying even partially submerged seemed excessive for him at this point. But I didn't have to understand. Sonic did, and that was all that really mattered.

Considering that I wasn't even supposed to be here.

Seconds passed. A minute. Two minutes. Then, suddenly, Sonic let out a long, steady sigh. I watched closely as he lowered his head back to its normal position, collapsing inside his body without actually collapsing. I wondered if those determined jade eyes were open.

The events from the previous day floated to the surface of my memory. It seemed like such a long time ago now…

_"Hm… after what just happened, I'm thinking those parts probably had enough 'tornado' for one day. Don't you?"_

_"…Oh. Ooh ha ha, Sonic, good one."_

_"I try."_

That lighthearted, witty playfulness that he had displayed yesterday made it hard for me to believe that it was indeed less than 24 hours ago. It was amazing; the complexity of an individual. You would never have such a relaxed discussion with someone like him and think for a second that he was in a battle with a serious phobia. You would never think he went so much deeper than his superficial, easygoing conversations.

Had he been on his way to the water when he had stopped for that conversation? If so, had those casual remarks been an act, or had he genuinely been in that decent of a mood?

In the privacy of my own mind, I tried to come up with the answers to those questions myself. I figured he probably _had _been feeling okay, because I had never known him to worry about things before they were worth worrying about. And besides… if it was all just a façade, Sonic wouldn't have been so honest with me about his red eyes, would he? He had told me it was because he had lost sleep, when he so easily could have blamed it on the force of the wind…

Glancing back at the subject of my thoughts, I put my questions aside for the time being. He hadn't looked at the shore since he had gone in the water, and from where I was he appeared even more focused than before. I decided it was a good time to leave. Morning birds were chirping now, a great cover-up for the slight noise I would make in heading back to the Tornado; and besides, I had been invasive enough for one… friendship. I had no doubt that this wouldn't be the last time he came here for this purpose, but it was the first _and _last time I would.

Before I left, though, I flew down from the tree and cautiously approached the shoreline, stepping on his footprints to prevent forming my own. From the closer perspective, I thought he looked pretty decent, given the circumstances. The rise and fall signifying his breathing was steady and even, and by the angle of his neck, it looked like he was even watching the sunrise.

If only he knew I was thirty feet away, watching it with him.

As I left, I was already looking forward to seeing him again. I knew I'd be looking for those little signs, those little displays of body language and subtle speech references that would unintentionally give away how he felt about this whole thing.

But I also knew that I wouldn't find any. Not because he would make an effort to hide them, but because the fear, the stress, the torment… none of it would matter anymore. All that would matter was that he got one step closer to overcoming his greatest fear.

I smiled, hopping in the Tornado and taking off, figuring that today would be an excellent day to 'just happen' to buy us both chili dogs for lunch.


	2. Exposure

So where'd this come from two years later, right? An FFN friend by the name of RedFireGreenThunder5 asked if I would do a version of it from Sonic's POV. Instead I've decided to do something that I'm hoping will be even better, which is continuing the story… and in the process, give Sonic a bit more exposure to the water, and readers a bit more exposure to what the blue blur thinks of all this. (Hope that's cool with you, RedFire!)

This story's kinda precious to me. I had nearly a year-long hiatus over a bit of 2009 and a lot of 2010. I stopped updating due to a normal writer's block that just kept going. But this got a great response. It led me to re-read it sometime later, and I was like, 'I typed this?' because it had been so long since I had typed anything, and I was surprised at how… well… decent it was.

Long story short, this story and it the response it got pulled me back to FFN. If not for that, I'm certain The Dark Side of the Moon would have gone unfinished and Survivor's Resolve would never have been started. Speaking of Survivor's Resolve, for those of you reading it… yeah, Sonic and water are pretty tight lately, huh? XD But this is a totally different thing than that recent chapter. More spirited, and less… well, y' know. ;)

Oh, and for anyone who cares, I listened to a song called 'Day Becomes Night' by Two Steps From Hell while typing a lot of this. It's an instrumental that could probably be interpreted in a lot of ways, but to me it sounds like soft courage. :) This continues right where the previous chapter left off. Enjoy! :D

xxx

2: Exposure

xxx  
First person: Sonic.  
xxx

I put my socks, shoes and gloves back on, stood up tall, and scratched my nose.

Though I was still trembling, I smiled as I gazed out over the shimmering lake. No one knew it, but water was a greater challenge to me than Eggman was. Wonder what he'd think if I told him that. 'That puddle over there is more of a threat than you!' Good way to irk him sometime. I'd have to remember that.

On second thought, maybe that wasn't a good idea. I didn't exactly want to remind him I wasn't fond of water. For all I knew he could try to use it against me one day or something.

Sand clung to my feet inside my socks like burrs. I hadn't done a marvelous job of wiping them off. Wasn't exactly an easy task when you were wet, since sand pretty much stuck to any wet surface. No big deal, though. I could wash them (my feet and my socks) at Tails's house. And dry myself off. I'd have brought a towel to the lake, but… I guess I hadn't actually expected myself to go in.

Huh. Wow. I actually went in!

xxx

"Sonic! I was hoping you'd swing by soon! I wanted to talk to you."

I rolled over, one of my quills snagging on the sofa in the process. Oops. "Ah, good morning to you too, bro."

"Heh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up so suddenly. I just didn't expect to see you in the living room. Usually you sleep on the roof, especially when the weather's nice."

_Breezes are cold when you're soaking wet, _I thought but didn't say. "Sofa sounded comfortable, I guess."

"Oh, that's fine, I don't care. Any more interesting dreams tonight?"

"What? Oh. Nah. Slept really good actually."

I pushed myself up to a sitting position and crossed my legs on the coffee table in front of me. Light bled in around the still-closed blinds. The clock on the wall read noon. I wasn't surprised; it was pretty normal for me to sleep in late, especially since I'd been at the lake until sunrise. But that was _me_.

"Heya Tails… are you just now getting up?"

"What? Oh. Yeah. I was really tired, I guess."

I blinked. "I guess you were! Only time I've ever seen you sleep until noon was when you were sick or something. Were you up late messing with those new plane parts you got?"

He shrugged one shoulder, looking really uncomfortable for some reason. "Not exactly," he mumbled awkwardly, but didn't elaborate. I cleared my throat to fill the silence, trying to think of what to say in response. I was kind of curious what he had been doing, but at the same time, I didn't want to squeeze it out of him if he didn't feel like discussing it. It was his business.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about earlier?" I asked suddenly. His eyes brightened at my dismissal of the subject, and I could tell I had made the right choice for the time being. He'd tell me in time if he wanted to. Even best friends had to have a few secrets, right? I hadn't told him about my little endeavor at the lake, after all…

"Nothing specific, to be honest," he said. "I just kind of wanted to chill. We ran into each other in Central City yesterday when I was getting the parts, but that was really rushed because we both had stuff to do."

"Ahh, gotcha. Yeah, sorry I ran off so fast." I smiled. "Didn't realize you missed me."

"Hehe, well obviously you missed me too," Tails said. "Hey, since it's lunchtime already, feel like chili dogs?"

"Do I ever! Now we're on the same page!"

"Good to hear, because I already got them!"

"I thought you just got up…?"

"Yeah, but I got them last night while you were gone. Carry out. We just gotta warm 'em up and chow down. Sounds yummy today, don't you think?"

"You bet, bro. Good thinking."

He walked past the couch and headed into the kitchen to get them ready, but on his way, met my eyes and smiled. It could have been a normal, casual smile, but for some reason I got the impression it was a little more specific than that, though I couldn't pinpoint why. Was he just happy I was here? Was there something about me he found amusing today? Maybe I was just reading into it too much.

"So what you up to today, Sonic?"

I turned so that I was leaning on the arm of the couch, that way I could see into the kitchen. He put half a dozen chili-covered franks in the microwave and started it, then came back to sit at the other end of the couch while waiting for them to get done.

"Ahh, nothin' special." Yeah, sure, Sonic.

"Things are slow for you around here, aren't they?"

"Yeah, I guess they are. Eggman's been quiet, you're busy with the Tornado, Knuckles is guarding his pet rock. But I'm keeping myself busy, y' know?"

"I bet you are."

"Got to. I'd go crazy sitting around here all the time like you do."

"I don't sit around here all the time," Tails said defensively. "I do stuff too."

"I know, I know. I'm just messin' with ya."

The microwave beeped.

Tails rose hastily and got our food. We ate in the kind of silence that only two close friends could appreciate without feeling uncomfortable about it. Every now and then one of us muttered a random nothing, like how nice the weather looked outside or that these chili dogs were good stuff. It was peaceful. Relaxing. Something I definitely needed right now.

But… not for _too _long.

xxx

On my way back to the lake later that evening, I felt more confident than ever. Breezy, almost. I had the image of the lake in my mind already. It'd be easy; I'd already done it once. I knew what to expect now. Piece of cake.

Then I got there, and everything changed.

I came to a stop at the same area on the shore I'd been last night. It's funny how different things look when they're actually right there before you. My mental image of the lake had gotten rusty, even though it had been less than a day.

Now, suddenly, everything was vibrant in my mind again just as it was in my vision. Vibrant in a sharp, real kind of way. The lake was enormous, in size and in threat. The waves looked tall and violent even though they really weren't. I saw the white foam they created as they smacked the shore, making the moist sand cake together even more; I heard the roars and crashes of the water battling itself all crazy and wild… little details that you couldn't really retain in memory. Only in presence.

I reached up and rubbed my temples, closing my eyes for a moment. My stomach was tightening.

Only in presence.

It wasn't the sights or sounds themselves that got to me. It was the fact that I was going to step foot in that lake again. I could easily stand on the dry part of a shore and stare out at the water; that much didn't bother me at all, on its own. It was kinda pretty, even. I wished I could pretend I wasn't about to go running into trouble again, that way I could just be still and watch without feeling my heart pounding through my head. But I couldn't. I couldn't even strike a deal with myself. I have this weird thing about me… I trap myself into things even when I'm not trapped. Like when I'm fighting Eggman or someone else, and things go horribly wrong. I always keep on trying to make them right, even if it doesn't make any sense, even if it seems pointless, because most often it turns out it wasn't pointless. Even though I could easily run away, I don't. I… _ can't_. It's just not how I work. It would feel so wrong.

So I trap myself. I trap myself into a situation mentally, and it has the same potency that an enemy trapping me physically does. I can't turn it down. I can't back away. I'm – for lack of better phrasing – a victim of my own nature.

Not my favorite word, victim. I don't like to think of myself that way. But sometimes it's hard not to.

Steeling myself, I opened my eyes again, facing the circumstances before me, even if only visually. That was the first step. Just like last night.

Only easy day was yesterday, right? Heh.

Last night, I had done just what I was doing now, but had taken another brief run before actually getting in the water, just to dissipate some nerves. Tonight I would not. Tonight I wanted to do at least one thing better than I had last night. A mountain couldn't be conquered in a day. But I wanted to get one step closer.

One step closer… to what, again?

I was never going to stop being afraid of water. That much I was almost certain of. It would always scare me. I would always feel weak inside at the notion of involving myself with it. So I wasn't sure what I was after. I guess I just wanted to face it, even if it would never go away. I wanted to put up a fight. Prove to myself that I could still beat it just like I beat everything else, no matter how I felt about it. I didn't need to be perfect, but I needed to be strong and combat it anyway.

Yeah. That was it.

My endeavor with the water had started because I feared possibility. The dream had forced me to confront the fact that water was something very real, present and potent. With as often as I got myself in trouble, it was bound to cause me problems at some point. In a way it already had. Fighting Chaos had been terrifying for me. I had kept it all to myself, of course. Tails, Knuckles and Amy never knew the extent of it. Well… Tails knew, but only because I let him in on it. I didn't show it in battle. I never showed it. Not because of courage or anything like that. Because of self-consciousness.

Even if I could never get rid of the uncomfortable anxiousness I felt around water… if I ever encountered any more Chaoses or unrealistically large dream rivers, I would be able to face it knowing I was capable of dealing with it. Not standing here all doubtful and… okay, _scared, _like I was right now.

It would make things so much more bearable.

But somehow I thought to myself that even if I never had to encounter water again – save for drinks and showers and the like – I would still want to do this. That dream had done more than make me aware of the possibilities this world held for me. It made me aware of myself. Of something I had seen as so small up until that point. It didn't seem small anymore. I realized nothing had ever terrified me this much in my life. And I wasn't okay with it. I could not be this aware of my own fear and not attempt to do something about it. I had to do something about it, for myself, even if only to say I tried.

Tried. Another word I wasn't incredibly fond of. I didn't want to just try. I wanted to win.

As my nerves tied themselves in double-knots, I removed my shoes, socks and gloves and put them all in a pile.

I laughed a little. You know, the nervous, 'hoooo boy' kind of laugh.

It was like starting all over again. As far as my stomach was concerned, last night had never even happened. I had never made any progress at all. Exposure hadn't helped anything. It had only reminded me why water scared me so much. The unpredictable recklessness of thrashing waves, the horror of submergence, the dreadful possibility of getting it in my nose or mouth and choking on it… Suffocation, drowning…

But I was already suffocating. I was suffocating in my mind just walking towards it. When I was almost there I sat down in the sand, trying to get a grip on myself. Fear was so debilitating. I didn't know how I was ever going to get any further if this was the way it was going to work. But then… thoughts like that had crossed my mind many a time before; the hopeless notion that there was no way to get further, and that my purpose was impossible.

I tried to remember those situations, and tried to remember those moments where the tables turned, where I had realized I really _could _do it.

Chaos. Watching the closest place I had to a home being destroyed by the flood. Fighting a being composed almost entirely of water. Or, you know, 'liquid Chaos energy.' It was all the same to me.

Being shot away from Space Colony ARK in a capsule set to explode, wondering if Tails would be able to defeat Eggman without me, hoping Amy would find the strength to move on… dreading what it would feel like being torn to shreds, if I would even feel it at all.

But in the end, I had neutralized Chaos. I had teleported to safety from the capsule. The moment always came where everything was doable again. Not necessarily easy, but doable.

That moment had come for me last night, too. I had sat back and watched the sunrise. Nice sunrise, too.

It was going to be okay. I had to keep that at the forefront of my mind. Even though it didn't feel like it, somewhere inside I knew this was the _least _dangerous of all those situations. And whether or not I went into the water, a few hours from now I would be sleeping comfortably on Tails's sofa again. Life would be continuing on. The world would still be turning. It would be okay either way.

So that meant I might as well do it.

I sat there for what felt like too short a time, but in retrospect, was probably quite a while. I played in the sand with my toes. Stalling, procrastinating. Thinking. One part of me was trying to talk myself into it while the other part was trying to justify my way out of it. Somewhere deep inside I already knew what I would do. I had already trapped myself.

Finally, I rose and finished the short journey to the water, feet squishing into the wet sand. I concentrated on that. It would stay right there below me. The ground wasn't suddenly going to drop out just because I went in the water. Not unless I purposely went that far.

I closed my eyes again. Oh man.

I could pinpoint the moment the fur of my heel hit the water. Again, it wasn't that inch-deep water itself that wrecked me. I could do that. It was the knowledge that it was only the first of many steps… the knowledge of what I was getting myself into. I willed myself not to feel the coldness surrounding my feet and kept going. It quickly swallowed my ankles, my shins, my knees. It penetrated through my fur, piercing the skin beneath like ice. Chills ascended up the backs of my legs and then coiled around my spine. I felt myself shudder with the feeling.

Chaos. I was freezing up. I didn't know what to do.

But it wasn't all or nothing. I could… I could stop. Wait. Let things sink in. I didn't have to freak out and turn back. I could just stop, and exist. Let myself catch up with… myself. Right. Sure.

_Heh, can't even think coherently. _

I made certain that my feet were steady beneath me, and stood there in equilibrium for a long moment. Then I opened my eyes and looked down, like last night.

Water. What else did I expect?

Just water. It was just water.

Tentatively, cautiously, I swished my fingertips around in it. It felt kinda nice, if I didn't think about it too much. Maybe this wasn't quite as bad as last night. I was in nearly up to my hips standing up. Yesterday I had crouched down to meet the water. Today I had gone further and walked out into it, letting it meet me. Perhaps I had worked it up too much in my mind. This… this wasn't so horrendous… Right?

"Right! C'mon, c'mon," I muttered under my breath. The kind of talking-to-yourself you only do when no one's around. "Go, go, go…"

Drawing a deep breath, I encouraged myself forward a little more. My tail went under and I twitched it a little, like a bug had landed on it or something. I tried not to think about how far out I was from the shore. It made me feel so vulnerable. I was completely surrounded by my foe.

But all I had to do was walk back. It was just like moving over dry ground, except I had to move slower because there was water. I trusted myself when I ran, didn't I? Heck, even that was probably more dangerous than this. With how fast I went, tripping up a little could mean a broken ankle or worse. Yet it never fazed me. I never worried about running despite the risk, because I knew what I was doing. I _owned _the ground! And that same ground was beneath me even now. I was still standing on it. I could… I could still own.

Yeah. I could still own!

Out of nowhere, a wave smacked me in the stomach. I didn't see it coming and went rigid when it made contact, curling in that weird way water curls when it hits an obstacle. The residue of it splashed in my eyes just before I squeezed them shut tight.

No. No. Turn around. Back to shore… turn around, turn around… _run…_

I was screaming inside. Another wave was going crash into me, get its salty water in my mouth, make me go under. I was convinced. It was over.

Seconds passed. The waves pushed against me with their regular gentle pressure and steady rhythm. I tilted my head skyward just in case another big one did come, and kept my eyes closed. With a great effort I managed to relax, letting the water pull on my open hands and rush between my fingers. With every passing moment I had to deny the deep, instinctive urge to turn around and get myself back on dry land. Slowly I built my resistance back up, trying to focus, trying _not _to focus.

I was shaking. Again. For Chaos's sake.

That had been the highest wave in minutes. I wasn't about to get killed, here. What was _wrong _with me? Why was I so scared? It was just water. It was _just water!_

With renewed stubbornness, I glared down at what I was submerged in and trudged forward with my eyes wide open, not bothering to wait until I was comfortable with it this time. I hated waiting. I was sick of waiting – on myself, no less! I walked faster, pushing heavily against the water, making it yield to my steps. I could see my legs beneath the surface, distorted and bent by the angle of the light. I had strong legs. They wouldn't let me down.

Heh. 'Let me down.' Good one, Sonic. Real clever.

I exhaled a hard, loud, heated breath. This was easier when I was mad. Way easier. Anger had a way of numbing fear. I didn't know what I was directing that anger at. Maybe myself, for not being able to handle this as well as I wanted to. Maybe the water, for existing at all. Maybe… maybe nothing. Maybe it wasn't anger at all; maybe it just was determination.

Hmm, that was a better way to think of it. It felt right. I didn't have to be upset about this. And I didn't have to trust the water, either. I just had to trust myself.

That was, of course, the moment I hit an invisible dip in the ground and tripped.

There goes my credibility.

Instinct alone remembered how to gasp air into my lungs before I went under. Water went in my nose indifferently even as I held my breath. Everything happened fast after that. I got myself up as fast as I could and dragged myself through the water back toward the shore, sputtering and coughing and grumbling the whole way. Epitome of dignity.

I breathed a sigh of relief as the water finally stopped weighing my steps down. The atmosphere around me lacked resistance by comparison, save for the sand my feet were sinking into just slightly. But that felt just fine to me. It felt secure, like it was welcoming me back. I was stable there. Rooted.

But I wasn't satisfied. I had… I had really thought I could do good tonight.

My thoughts and mood swung back and forth like a pendulum. I hadn't even considered staying. The second I thought I was in the slightest danger, I had backed out. And it had been nothing. I could have gotten above the water again and continued on like nothing had happened. I had been so ready, too! I would have kept going. I knew it. And… I was kind of proud of that.

But what was stopping me from going back in? I could go back in and pick up where I left off if I wanted to. It would only take a minute to get there.

I could take another try.

That was all it took to plant the seed. As soon as the notion crossed my mind I knew I was committed to it. I turned around again, turned away from the comforting scene of my socks, shoes and gloves sitting nonchalantly on the dry sand a few yards away, and back to the lake. Water poured off my spikes, which had all kind of massed together from being soaked. It dripped off my eyelids onto the skin by my mouth.

How perspectives could change. The lake looked so harmless now that I wasn't in it. Before, when I had first arrived, it was intimidating. But after being _immersed _in it, staring at it was nothing. I could have mocked it.

In the aftermath, everything seems easier than it was, because you're not in the midst of experiencing it. You're not feeling all the same vivid emotions and internal struggles. As I continued gazing out over the dark lake in the midst of that aftermath, I had the distinct feeling that I actually could do this again very easily… that it would be a non-issue, since I had just done it and the sense of success was so fresh.

So I whirred around and took a running jump into the water, like I had seen others do so many times for fun, seizing the instance of inspiration as well as my breath… Daring myself to face the exact situation I had just run from.

It took until the apex of the motion for me to have second thoughts, but by then it was of course too late. I splashed hard with my entire body, nearly face-planting the water, and made it slosh out with a loud rush.

At least I held my nose this time.

My jump had taken me a bit further than I thought. Guess I'd really put some umph into it. For a few dark, horrid seconds, I was completely under water, feet kicking for something to stand on. All I could see was liquid fog and foamy bubbles. There was no sunlight for me to gauge which way was up.

Finally my toes found the sand and I gained leverage, heavily pushing my head up out of the water. The air was cold against my soaked body. But it let me know _real _quick that I was above the surface. My heart was racing, and I had to catch my breath more due to fright than real tiredness.

Again with the grace and dignity. Sonic the hedgehog right here, folks.

The ripples from my splash died down, leaving the lake calm once more as I stood there in it.

"'S right," I said with a tried and true grin to the sloshing liquid. After a moment I shook my quills off and dragged myself back to shore once more. If I hadn't been shaking before, I was now. What had I just done? What was I thinking?

…Heh. Now _that _was familiar thought territory, for sure.

As I approached my attire, I mentally made another date with the lake. Not tomorrow again, though. Tails wanted to hang out, and if there was anything more important than doing something for yourself, it was doing something for your pals. I smiled at the thought. Maybe one day, sometime in the future, we could hang out at the beach or something.

Well. _That _was a bit ambitious.

When I finished putting my stuff back on, I stood up and made to head off to… wherever. But right before I picked up speed, I caught sight of a young couple further back on the shore. They were watching me curiously, hand in hand, but quickly turned upon being noticed and walked away. Wow. How long had they been watching? I was so absorbed (heh, absorbed) in it that I hadn't even noticed. Someone could have been watching last time too, for all I knew.

Still, it was kinda funny imagining what it all looked like from the outside. Guess they'd have gotten a good show.

Me, though… I was ready for an intermission. But not for too long. Only for now.

I moved forward at a steady northbound jog, the ground very much beneath my feet… in more ways than one.

xxx

:) So, the more I typed this, the more I thought to myself it's something I'd be fond of adding to now and then. I have a few other ideas, though not enough to sustain another chapter yet. But it's something that may continue, if ya want…? Anyway, thanks a lot for reading! Feel free to comment!


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